TheForgottenColdKing

Shadows upon the stage.

I think I'm going to kill myself soon.

Why go on?

...

I don't know how many of you deal with this... I've lived my life. I'm old enough. What is there to live for?

I tried killing myself, I just tried doing it for someone else. There was a moment where I didn't mind dying bravely for my king.

But we have no kings anymore. Only presidents.

I'm worthless. I wish women could understand what that feels like.

I have nothing worth breeding. My genes are best left forgotten.

I've fought against my genes my entire life. How fitting I die fighting them.

What's the point?

It's funny how being a victim of random violence can have an effect on your psyche. I feel like a rape-victim, I'm such a wreck and the police don't even care. I feel compelled to blame societal norms and standards... I'm not sure I can accurately convey the feeling of looking at the police nodding while I, the manager as well as some of the wait staff at the restaurant are explaining how I literally just sat down and placed a to-go order when some psycho just beats the back of my skull in out of no where. I look like a guy that can take of himself, I talk like it but I'm not Jason Bourne. I don't expect to catch a beating in a city I've only lived in for a few months, I don't ever go out so I have no enemies here... Or so I thought.

*sigh*

I ask myself "why?! WTF did I do?! Did I walk wrong? Did I dress offensively?! Am I just too fucking pretty?!?!?" My vision still hasn't restored completely so every time I notice that fogginess in my vision my mind time travels to what it was like looking at my beer just lost in my own thoughts when suddenly I'm getting attacked. They never even arrested the guy.

I have an enormous audition coming up I've been prepping for. I've gone through so much to get here and this has shaken me up but I'm healing. My stories help me, I wish I could be as strong as some my characters, maybe I am but it sure doesn't feel like it sometimes .

Been getting my next few scenes set up for Chapter 2. Let's just say I'm not the only one upset at circumstances beyond my control.

Literally.

I was in a restaurant for lunch, was working like a good boy all night/morning... honestly I was nervous about releasing this first "for real" comic and it sucking that I made myself go out for a beer while waiting on some food to take home...

A random dude, at a family restaurant just starts swinging on me...

It's been a bad day and I wrote a pretty emotional EDIT on my last submission explaining why I just.. can't go back and read this comic one more time... 

This sounds like such an excuse, first my PC dies then I get my ass kicked? 

The guy, whom I've never seen before in my life. In fact I STILL don't know what he looks like because, besides sitting a few stools over from me for ~2 minutes I've never seen the guy.

One minute I'm looking at my beer after just having placed my order, in particular I was wondering about a particular scene between Trent and Olivia, its probably my last fix- I think it's my weakest part in this comic and I haven't quite fixed it yet... But nothing major is left to do.. But..

Guys I was just sitting there... And this isn't the first time something like this has happened. 

I swear I'm crazy, the Leviathan is hunting me before I can kill it... But that's just me being Freeze. In reality I just don't fucking know anymore.. I'm adjusting to the fact that one second I'm looking forward to delicious buffalo wings, the next I'm getting attacked by some coward you could have cold-clocked me so hard across the face had he tapped on my shoulder or just offered a salutation to get me to turn around. Instead I just feel the ceiling falling on the back of my head.

I turned down an ambulance ride because no health insurance... Thank you 2016 I live in the US and I can't even go to a hospital when someone else attacks me because I can't afford it. My head is lumpy, nose I don't think is broke but hella sore (this guy was haymaker swinging right behind me... I didn't know what was happening for like 5 of the longest seconds in the world.. How this guy didn't kill me I don't know...) God I was so helpless... My head is lumpy as hell and oh yeah.. my vision finally returned in my right eye (from him hitting the rear of my skull).

I'm tired as hell and am hurting more emotionally than anything. I hate hurting physically, but it's easy compared to emotional pain. I've always been weak in that regard, bleeding could possibly come too easy for my kind. What else am I supposed to think about now though? This guy's fists did the least damage... 

This right after Orlando? What world even is this?

And when it was all done? And I was wiping the blood of my face and the guy was "escorted" outside. The entire restaurant, kids, parents, grandparents - it's fucking father's day for christ sake... All are looking at me...

It could've been worse. I just wish I could sleep or not feel so emotionally tumultuous.. Ugh, tough guy as I am but... there's something much less tough surfacing within me and he (she?! please I don't want another identity crisis tonight...) is really wanting to break down.. Ugh I feel nauseous too now..

What went through his head when he saw the back of me not even aware he existed? Did he square up and aim at a specific point at the back of some stranger's head before deciding on what to start punching? I can get brutal, but Jesus what kind of person does that?!

Hopefully I post again tomorrow. I'm wondering if I should've taken the ambulance ride when the police got involved because my head is killing me now that the adrenaline is gone (or swelling or who the hell knows).

Wish me luck.

It's been a.. not very productive week for me sadly. Some serious setbacks and clutch maneuvers but I'm still chugging along on this project which has took on the name of The Genesis Incident! A private lab conducting research on some cutting edge future cosmetics! Who says beauty has to be only skin deep? I've the first big chunk about done, there are some issues here and there that I'm sort of struggling with - having to go back and render some things - this takes ages I so want to move on to the next episode but I don't want to rush a good setup either... And that's all it is so far! I had to change some stuff because it's literally just talking heads for 20ish pages!

As for the singles image per page idea I was/am - ugh I better decide! - it works for some things, and I love having big images because of the awesome sense of it being there in front of you when they're large enough. I also don't want to cram my pages with bubbles of dialog, but I'm not doing so very good a job of telling the story through imagery I feel... I'm filling with self-doubt and should probably shut up and get back to work...

I've said enough on it and don't want to spoil anything, I'm trying my hand at better storytelling. I've been reading comics and manga lately trying to incorporate the aesthetics I like and develop my own style, but I'm just so noob at some of this stuff!

My line art / hand drawn stuff has improved drastically these last few months of me just sketching my rough ideas out before rendering or even typing stuff up sometimes. I've since took my Wacom tablet out of the box and actually use it from time to time! Ugh, I can't draw very well on it yet... Does take some getting used to I'm sure. 

Bad news.

For no apparent reason my computer began acting strange as of last night. Windows wouldn't close, nothing worked. Now it's still doing this! I'm trying to back up my files... Of all the times for something to go wrong... I have 15 pages at ~80% complete and now this? Is this for REAL!?

I'm typing this up on my ancient laptop... At least it's not locking up... This plain sucks.. 400MB of Genesis files in that folder and it's giving me lip when trying to copy it to my network! I think I'm safe though from mortal file loss. Looks like I managed to save the page files - whew.

I was using a new page builder program Clip Studio which I was finally getting the hang of! 

Ugh!